Failure At Dating
by I-survived-life
Summary: There's the Potters, my giant family of Weasley's who like to embarrass me and somehow Autumn managed to stick around despite the craziness that comes with being friends with me. And then there's Scorpius.
1. Preparations

Being a girl always sucks. We get the short end of the stick, all of the damn time. We were the ones who got treated like property and never got to vote. We're always talked to like we're morons and treated like weaklings. Women are the ones who have to go through the painful time of the month every. Damn. Month. And we're the ones who always give birth.

Not to mention we're always the ones who have to look good whereas guys can dress like complete hoboes and it's totally acceptable. If a girl goes out with unshaved legs everyone just starts to flip out and starts calling you an ape (that's one mistake I'm never making again).

I was about to go through one of the most painful things that a woman ever went through. I was going to get ready for a date that I'd been dreaming of since third year.

And I was going to let Lily get me dressed.

Turns out, that was a bad idea. Go figure.

"ROSE! GET UP AND GET WASHED! WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO!" Lily yelled extremely loudly as she literally kicked open my dorm door and barged into my room.

"Lily, it's seven in the morning," I managed to groan out when I caught sight of the time. Lily ignored me and made her way to my wardrobe and started to look through my things. She discarded things that she didn't deem fit for a date and threw anything that she thought was ugly straight into the trash. Apparently my favourite sweater belongs in the trash then.

"You know, Lily is a very feminine name for someone who's the spawn of Satan," Autumn mumbled from the bed next to me. Lily responded by throwing a high heeled show at Autumn's head. Autumn grunted when the shoe made contact with her head but didn't apologize.

"My point still stands," she said before grabbing her blanket, her pillow and making her way down to the common room where she would sleep for the next four hours. Hogsmeade trips were just wasted on Autumm.

"Rose, out of bed," Lily demanded again.

"No," I stubbornly replied and turned over onto my side and went back to sleep. Or, at least I tried, Lily doesn't take well to people disobeying her. She has a tendency to overreact which explains why I wasn't surprised when she dumped an entire pitcher onto my head.

I shot up into a sitting position, sputtering and shook my soaking wet hair out of my face. Before me stood a very smug Lily holding an empty pitcher and a scary shoe.

"I'm up, I'm up, no need to drown me," I said and staggered to the loo, almost giving myself a concussion as I tripped over a pair of shoes in front of me.

"Rose, I have to make you look human in just two hours and as good as I am, I'm not a miracle worker, get washed."

Lily's so humble, don't you think?

It took me an hour to get washed properly. It took Lily an hour to completely destroy the dorm and lose most of my clothes in the process. When I walked out of the washroom, I was immediately dragged over to a mirror and had clothes thrown at me. I shoved on my undergarments as quickly as possible and put on the clothes thrown at me without looking at them.

Once I'd gotten everything on, I was pushed into a chair and Lily proceeded to attack my eyes with make up. While she put on eye-liner and mascara, I was supposed to put on lip gloss and not blink. It was impossible for me to not blink, I was making Lily's job impossible to do at the same time.

"Would you stop blinking? You're making it impossible for me to fix you," Lily finally snapped at me as she stabbed me in the eye yet again.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that it's easy to not blink when someone is trying to poke your eyes out. I'm sorry for being a horrible doll."

"You should be," Lily replied completely missing the sarcasm in my voice.

"That was sarcasm."

"Yeah, well, you suck at it," Lily said as she finished up on my last eye. "You're done! Go look at my mastery in the mirror."

I walked over and stood in front of the mirror and looked myself over. I feel like Autumn should be wearing this outfit instead of me, her name would suit it a lot more than mine. Plus, these boots were killing my feet already. I'm pretty sure these aren't mine, I wouldn't buy death machines for my feet. Or at least if I did, they wouldn't be a two sizes too small.

"Lily?" I asked.

"Hmm?" she replied standing beside me and looking me over.

"So, where are the other three seasons?" I asked her smiling. She scowled at me and gave me a smack across the back of the head. Sheesh, you can't even make a joke around here without Lily trying to kill you.

"I do all this work and this is the thanks that I get!"

"You're right, thank you. I just hope my date with Scorpius doesn't suck, I finally got up the courage to ask him, I really don't want it to backfire on me," I told Lily making my way towards the door.

"Oh trust me, I'm sure the date will be absolutely entertaining," Lily said giving me an evil smile. Well, that's a bit of a creepy smile, I feel like Lily's going to kidnap me or something.

I left the dorm with the feeling that something very wrong was going to happen. That look that Lily had given me had made me ridiculously nervous, what if something went wrong today? What if I fell in mud and got all my clothes dirty?

I shook the thoughts from my head and headed down to breakfast where it was packed with students and devoid of family members. That was strange. Usually all of cousins were down here taking up one side of the Gryffindor table and being loud. None of them were in here today, did they all have something to do?

I shrugged and sat down to eat breakfast. I ate like a pig to be perfectly honest, it was not a pretty sight, I can tell you that. My mum always said that I ate like my dad but I always just thought it was a Weasley thing. Then again, maybe Fred is an even more repulsive eater than I am. I shoveled food into my mouth as fast as I could and when the time came, I got up from my seat and left the Great Hall to look for Scorpius.

I didn't have to look very long though because he was waiting right outside the Great Hall. He grinned when he caught sight of me and despite my worrying, I was glad to see him as well. Maybe our date wouldn't go badly, maybe for once everything would turn out good.

A giggle from behind me that seemed to be coming from nowhere put an end to that however. I turned around, looking for the giggler but didn't see anyone except a pair of shoes that looked suspiciously like my brother Hugo's. I caught sight of a pair of green eyes hiding behind a statue down the corridor and again the girlish giggle that, now that I think about it, sounded suspiciously like Roxanne.

"You ready to go?" Scorpius asked me turning my attention back to him. I have him the biggest smile I could and the most enthusiastic "you bet!" that I could muster.

"There might be some surprises today, who knows," Scorpius said as we made our way outside. This explains why no one in my family was at breakfast.

"Oh, you have no idea," I replied laughing nervously.

* * *

**a/n: **You know, I'm pretty sure that I have some sort of Work In Progress obsession or something because I love starting stories while I'm writing other stories. Anyway, feedback is always loved!


	2. My Stalker Family

It took me about, oh, I don't know, one second to become really paranoid. Scorpius and I made our way out to the courtyard and towards the trail leading to Hogsmeade. It was a nice and sunny day and even the people who weren't going to Hogsmeade were enjoying the nice weather.

Trees had been planted alongside of the trail providing shade and I almost groaned when I noticed that I blended in with the scenery.

I would bet all the books that I owned that Lily had done this on purpose. I swear, that girl must be the Spawn of Satan because there's no way that Uncle Harry created Lily. She is pure evil!

I looked around me trying to catch sight of anything that would give me any idea of who was in on this entire thing. Scorpius seemed to notice that I wasn't completely okay and asked me if I was all right.

"Rose, is something wrong, you seem really distracted and on edge," I pasted on a completely fake smile and assured Scorpius that I was fine even though we'd probably end up in the hospital wing after this date. He seemed to doubt my answer but didn't say anything more about it.

"Alright, tell me about yourself," Scorpius said putting his hands in his pockets.

"What do you need to know about me that the papers haven't already told you?" I asked Scorpius. I watched to see how he would react to that. If he blushed then it probably meant that he believed all of the stories told about me.

"See, I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to not believe what I read in the papers about the girl I like," Scorpius replied shrugging. I grinned and without thinking, looped my arm through his.

"I take it that was the correct response then," Scorpius said tightening his hold on my arm.

"Yes, that was the —OH MY GOD SCORPIUS ARE YOU ALL RIGHT!" I shrieked as Scorpius tripped and fell face first into the ground almost dragging me with him. Luckily he'd let go of me so that he wouldn't bring me down with him.

He lay on the ground groaning while I flapped my arms unhelpfully and did nothing to help him up.

"Besides some bruised body parts, I think I'll live," Scorpius said. I bent over him and held out a hand to help him up. He grasped hold of it and just as I was about to pull him up, I was suddenly pushed forwards from behind. I landed on Scorpius who let out another groan as I just added more pain to what I was sure were some sore limbs.

"I'M SO SORRY! IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE PUSHED ME FROM BEHIND!" I cried and attempted to push myself off of Scorpius. The world seemed to be against me today because just as I was about to roll off of him, there was a loud crack and something very heavy and very woody fell on top of both Scorpius and I.

This time, we both groaned in pain.

This was just great, really. If I ever got my hands on my cousins even Merlin wouldn't be able to save them. Lily, I'm coming for you.

I struggled to get the rather large tree branch off of me and once I had managed to get the giant thing off of Scorpius and I, I rolled off of him. I lay next to him panting.

I was surprised Scorpius hadn't already run out on me or something. Usually I'd expect most of my dates to run away screaming by now (then again, I hadn't had many dates to begin with). He was probably only sticking around to be nice though, no boy would stick around on a date if he didn't think that the girl was worth it.

"Rose?" Scorpius managed to croak out. I sighed and prepared myself for what was sure to be a rejection.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me that you'll never tell any of my friends about what just happened," I couldn't help but giggle at that. I got off the ground and dusted myself off as best as I could. My leggings were ripped around my knees and dirty to the point where I didn't think cleaning them would do anything.

"I promise to never mention to your friends how you tripped and fell on your face," I replied with a grin so big it spread from ear to ear. I helped Scorpius get up and waited for him to dust himself off before continuing on our way.

"So, how does your father feel about the fact that you're going on a date with a Weasley?" I asked Scorpius. I was half-joking and half-serious. If Scorpius and I ever had a chance of dating (which I'd like to think we would) then I needed to know if I was going to have problems with his father.

"Well, he's disappointed that you asked me out instead of the other way around, as my dear dad put it 'she beat you to it.' He's okay with it though, from what I've told him about you, he can understand why I said yes," Scorpius replied. He flushed a light pink at the last part and somehow the grin on my face got even bigger. I can't believe that Scorpius talked to his dad about me! That's got to be something right?

What's even better is that Mr Malfoy is okay with it! I won't have trouble with him if I ever meet him. It'll be a little awkward since I'm the spawn of the man that he hated for all of seven years (I think it was seven years, I've lost track after all the stories).

Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all!

"So you talked to your dad about me then?" I asked Scorpius. I winked just to show that I was teasing him in case he took me too seriously and thought I was making fun.

"Erm, well, yes, extensively," Scorpius muttered turning even redder in the face and looking down at his shoes.

"Relax Scorpius, I don't think that you're any less manly because of it. I've talked about you extensively to my cousins as well."

"Really now, you don't say?" and there's that smirk that I just knew would follow that statement.

"Don't be so smug, you told your father about me, at least I told my cousins. To be perfectly honest if I'd told dad about this he would've taken the fastest form of transportation down here while dragging a very exasperated Hermione Weasley behind him and demanded what you planned to do with me. Just out of curiosity, what do you plan to do with me?"

"I plan on luring you to the shrieking shack and the chopping off your body limps and burying the pieces in Hagrid's pumpkin patch," Scorpius replied with a perfectly serious look on his face. I laughed out loud and a lot harder than I should've.

And then I snorted.

That's right, I snorted, actual snortage. Just what any girl loves to tell her friends when describing her date, that she snorted. I had prayed to God that this wouldn't happen but apparently my prayer went unanswered.

Scorpius burst out laughing at my pig noise and couldn't stop. I blushed so hard that my face rivalled the colour of a tomato. So I snorted when I laughed! Big deal! It's not like people didn't do that when they laughed or anything, no need to hack up a lung over it!

"Okay, okay, so I snort when I laugh! No need to kill yourself with amusement over it," I muttered crossing my arms.

"Rose I'm not laughing AT you, it's just funny that was all, plus it was kind of cute as well," Scorpius said wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing a little.

"You should learn to laugh at yourself whenever you do something funny or silly. That doesn't mean your snorting is silly, just a general life lesson from the great and powerful Scorpius."

"I'll keep that in mind."

We walked on in silence for a few minutes before I spoke.

"I feel like spinning," I declared. Scorpius gave me an amused look but stepped back with a bow and gave me room to spin. I closed my eyes, turned my head up towards the sun and began to spin in the most ungraceful way possible.

I tripped over my own feet, I staggered and swayed and came close to falling over several times. I looked like I was drunk and I enjoyed it. The wind was blowing, the sun was shining, it was warm and I was on a date with a guy that I liked and who liked me back.

And I was being followed by my family.

I opened my eyes and stopped spinning abruptly. I caught sight of a flash of red hair disappearing behind a tree and as I tried to make the world stop spinning and go after what I was sure was a Weasley, I walked into a tree face first.

"Rose, are you okay?!" Scorpius cried rushing towards me to make sure I was okay. Was my nose bleeding or something? It sure felt like it was, I hope it's not broken.

"Is my nose broken?" I asked Scorpius.

"No, it looks fine," he replied staring at me intently.

"Then I'm fine," I said. I turned around sharply and almost fell over as the world went spinning again. I attempted to walk in a straight line and you'd think it would be easy but it's really not. Scorpius hastily wrapped an arm around my waist to guide me and we made our way to the Three Broomsticks like this.

Once we entered the cozy pub, Scorpius led me to a table in a corner at the back next to a window, sat me down and said very clearly that he was going to get us some drinks. I nodded my head in understanding and after making sure that I wouldn't tip over while sitting by myself, Scorpius disappeared into the crowd of people.

I groaned and lay my head down on the table. I stayed like that for five minutes. I carefully opened my eyes to see if the world had stopped spinning. It was a lot better than before, at least I didn't get nauseated now.

Scorpius showed up carrying two butterbeers. He put one down in front of me and sat next to me with his own butterbeer in hand.

"You seem to be feeling a lot better now."

"Yeah, sorry about that, I tend to get a little bit carried away in nice weather," I apologised and took a sip of my butterbeer. Nothing says crazy date like almost knocking yourself out with a tree. How many people could claim that had happened to them.

"The spinning looked fun, it was like a picture postcard perfect moment. Up until you almost gave yourself a concussion of course," Scorpius added. "You like nature then?"

"I'm not a crazy environmentalist but yeah, I guess you could say that I like nature. I go tree climbing all the time. Mum has trouble keeping me out of the woods in the back of our house. I go exploring and I don't come out from there until ten in the evening."

"I guess that explains your clothing then," Scorpius said pointing at my rather fall themed outfit. I scowled down at my too small boots.

"You'd think that but what actually happened was Hurricane Lily came into my dorm and attacked me. I'm not that crazy about what I'm wearing so feel free to hate it," I said.

That was when my butterbeer spilled all over me. It was as if it was karma paying me back for insulting Lily's fashion skills (but under the circumstances it was probably Lily paying me back for insulting her). I wiped the sticky juice out of my eyes and turned to Scorpius who didn't look much better than me.

Our hair was soaked in butterbeer and sticking to our foreheads in a really uncomfortable manner. My hair would take forever to sort out later, it would be at least an hour of washing and combing until I stopped breaking brushes.

Just as the shock of the butterbeer spilling for no apparent reason wore off, the table in front of Scorpius and I flipped over, sending the complimentary breadsticks on it flying towards my sticky shirt.

I thought that had been the worst of it but apparently not. As soon as the table stopped moving, the seat that Scorpius and I were sitting on tipped over and threw us out via window. Scorpius and I went crashing through the window we'd been sitting next to and landed on the cold hard ground with glass raining down on us.

Everyone stared in shock at what had just happened and instead of helping Scorpius and I out or even asking if we were okay, people simply just pointed, whispered and stared. I don't know where everyone gets this idea that Hogwarts is a school where people are friendly and always helpful.

My entire body was aching and as worried as I should've been about the pieces of glasses that were probably stuck to me right now, I really wasn't.

I groaned and looked at the blinding sunlight just wishing that I could go to sleep and never wake up. Scorpius's face appeared above mine blocking out the sun.

"Rose, are you okay?!"

"I think there's glass stick in my butt," was the first thing that I said. Scorpius grinned down at me and held out a hand for me to grab hold of.

"Yeah, you're fine Rose. Come on, lets get you cleaned up, shall we?" Scorpius pulled me to my feet and pulled out his wand. He pointed it at me and flicked it at my shirt and then moved on to my hair. Most of the dirt and butterbeer disappeared from my hair and clothing but there was enough left that you could tell something had happened.

"Maybe we should leave the Three Broomsticks," Scorpius suggested and I nodded my head in agreement.

"Where we we going to go then?" I asked looking around at the crowd of people that were still whispering.

"We could always go to Zonko's," Scorpius suggested. I gave the most enthusiastic smile that I could muster. There was no doubt in my mind that my family was behind what had just happened. The last place that I wanted to go was a place that was full of exploding things and pranks. That was a disaster waiting to happen.

Scorpius and I made our way down to Zonko's and he literally had to drag me into the store. I thought about grabbing onto the doorframe to keep from going in but that would've probably been too suspicious.

Scorpius pushed his way through the crowd until we stood in front of the section that was filled with Dr. Filibusters Wet Works Fireworks. Maybe Scorpius was low on fireworks or something because he started stocking up on the stuff. It was like watching someone who hadn't eaten in two months taste food again.

Once Scorpius was satisfied that yes, he had enough fireworks we made our way around the shop checking things out. Just as I was beginning to relax and think that "hey, maybe nothing bad will happen," something bad happened.

Scorpius and I were passing by an entire shelf filled with Bursting Pods when all of them fell out of their places and landed on the floor. Just like the name of the product said, they burst all over floor sending things flying everywhere and covering people in pain and questionable substances.

Scorpius rushed towards the counter, paid for the fireworks and together we legged it out of there. No need to upset the shop owner and have them running after us with a broom and yelling their heads off. I preferred to not have my Hogsmeade privileges taken away, thank you very much.

"Good thing we got out while we could," I said to Scorpius as we stood in the middle of Hogsmeade trying to figure out where to go next.

"They would've caught us otherwise, I'm pretty sure the fact that you've got 'Bursting Pods' written on each of your legs would've given us away," Scorpius said pointing at my now totally ruined leggings.

"Everyone was right, Bursting Pods do leave an impression on you!"

"That was lame but it was funny."

"I try."

"We could always head on over to Honeydukes," Scorpius suggested.

"I thought you'd never suggest that, I've been wanting to buy chocolate the entire day!" I gushed and started to drag Scorpius further down the street to the big colourful store near the end of the road.

I dragged Scorpius in thinking nothing could go wrong. It was a candy shop after all, who would do anything bad in a candy shop, right? I stood on my tippy toes and tried to look over the heads of everyone in the shop. Where was the chocolate shelf? Why was everyone so tall?

Determined to find my chocolate, I gripped Scorpius's hand and pushed my way through the crowd dragging him behind me. He stayed close to me and soon we stood in front of heaven -or, as Honeydukes calls it Honeydukes Every Flavour Chocolate.

I looked up at the shelf in awe and grabbed five plastic bags. I looked closely at the labels on all of the bins and started to fill up my bags until I couldn't fit anymore chocolate in them. I tasted some of the chocolate and nearly threw up at some of the flavours. I may be a chocolate type of person but even I could admit that there were some things that couldn't be put in chocolate (like eggplant).

I turned to Scorpius with a big grin on my face and was about to say something when I noticed the worried look on his face. I frowned and turned around to see what was worrying him.

That was when I noticed that the shelf that touched the ceiling and was full of chocolate was shaking. And when I say shaking, I mean that as in it looked like it was about to tip over. I stood there and watched in horror as the shelf teetered and then began to fall.

Right towards Scorpius and I.

Scorpius yanked me out of the way and pulled me to safety as the shelf tipped over and landed right where I had been standing. The bins full of chocolate had broken and chocolate littered the entire floor. Pieces of the shelf itself had broken off and the plastic bags used to put the chocolate in floated down like a strange version of snow.

Everyone stood looking in shock at the giant shelf that had just been broken in less than two minutes. And then, as if they had all rehearsed it or something, everyone turned and stared at me like it was my fault.

Scorpius kept tugging on my arm, trying to get me to move but I just stood there in shock.

"Rose, move it, we have to leave now before everyone here murders us," Scorpius hissed at me and then it finally clicked. Yes, I needed to leave now before the shop owner came after me with a broom and started swiping at my head.

Scorpius and I got out of the place as fast as we could, trampling some third years in our haste. Without stopping or talking about it we started to run back towards the castle.

Once we'd reached the trail leading to Hogsmeade, Scorpius and I slowed down and walked slowly. We decided to walk by the Black Lake since it was a nice day and even though I was bummed out about everything that had happened, Scorpius had me cracking up in a matter of seconds.

Things were going fine, we'd almost reached the castle when out of nowhere Scorpius went crashing into the lake. I shrieked and rushed to the edge and yelled out,

"ARE YOU OKAY?!"

"I'm fine!"

"Can I he-eep!" I shrieked as something pushed me into lake. I went flying through the air and crashed into the water head first. I quickly swam to the surface and gasped in the now cold air. The lake was freezing and by extension, so was I.

"Scorpius, don't you have Dr Filibusters Wet Works Fireworks in your pockets?" I asked turning to Scorpius and moving away from him a little.

"Yeah, so -oh, crap," Scorpius said and hurried to empty his pockets of each and every firework that he had. The last firework came out not a moment too soon because they all went off at the same time. I splashed towards the shore blindly, unable to see because of the bright flashing lights.

Scorpius and I stood sopping wet on the shore and watched as the fireworks kept going until they finally stopped. Scorpius turned to grin at me but quickly frowned when he saw the look on my face. My eyes were burning and it was like something was blocking my throat. It just became ten times harder to breathe. A sob escaped from me and Scorpius moved to comfort me but I was already running away from him and back towards the castle.

The date was a disaster, this entire day was a disaster. Was it so difficult for me to go on a date without anything going horribly wrong? Was that really too much to ask from everyone in my family? I really like Scorpius as well and at this point, I'll be lucky if he doesn't run away from me when he sees me in the hallway.

My vision was blurry because of my tears and I tripped on the stairs and almost fell down several times. I made it to the Fat Lady though and practically yelled the password at her. I didn't know if Scorpius was chasing me and I didn't care, I don't think I'll ever be able to look him in the face ever again.

When I entered the common room I spotted my family and I went from sad and disappointed to outright livid in the matter of a few seconds.

They were all laughing and joking while I looked like a hot mess (minus the hot part). They all stopped talking when they caught sight of me and what must've been one heck of a scary look.

"Well, are you all happy? Are you all amused yet? Does my failure of a dating life amuse you people yet? Do you all just get some weird kick out of seeing things go wrong with me? Thank you so much for ruining what was supposed to be the most exciting day of my life so far. Really, I appreciate it. I'll be lucky if I'm not banned from Hogsmeade after everything that you guys did today. Not to mention Scorpius probably thinks I'm crazy and most likely hates me now. So really, way to be the worst family in the world."

And with that, I wiped my filthy sleeve across my nose and stomped up the stairs to my dorm.

* * *

**a/n: **Okay, so I really wanted to get this out today so when I say that I woke up this morning and finished this I literally mean it. I've spent over an hour just editing this and fixing things, I haven't even had breakfast yet. That's how much I wanted to get this out. The chapter came out a lot longer than I thought it would so I'm happy about that.

Anyway, what did you guys think of Rose? Do you like Scorpius? Did Rose's family go too far with everything that they did? What do you think is going to happen as the story goes on? Reviews are always loved and welcomed and so are your thoughts and feedback!


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